Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
