I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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