we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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