After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
