My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Girls should come with a carfax report
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
