so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
