Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
