I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
