you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
