I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
