Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
