didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I wish my penis had an off switch
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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