Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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