how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
