I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
