well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
