He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize