Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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