i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
