im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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