you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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