You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize