I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
