I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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