Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
