you didnt know i had herpes?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Who died my cat blue again?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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