It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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