I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
