census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
