You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize