i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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