We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
