I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
