69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We need a shit load of segways right now
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
