Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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