Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
