that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
