The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
