PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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