i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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