I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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