I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
