Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
