Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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