I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
