she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize