I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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