He disabled his match.com account in front of me
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
