i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
