Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize