All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
