I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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