I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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