I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
