Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
