you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
i out mim tonsoeep
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