Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
