Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Randomize