They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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