i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
