Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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