Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
