i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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