It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
