i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
