My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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