Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
